I'm middle-aged woman. I've been married for 25 years. I have a handful of wonderful and true friends, and am blessed to be surrounded by a wider circle of upright and diverse individuals. I survived Catholic school. I am a fat woman, and I own it. My college degree is in women's studies with an emphasis on women of color. I have been a feminist since ... birth. Astrologically I'm a Scorpio sun and Aries moon, and I've just come through Saturn in my sign. I am proud to be a Crone. Pick any one of those things and you will know that my popularity or likability is rather irrelevant. There is an incredible freedom afforded those who live long enough and choose to take advantage of it - the ability to use our voice, our words and to face our own crap.
A few years ago it became very clear to me, and to lots of people, that the world we live in and the systems we interact with are not quite what we believed. I credit Saturn the hard task master, and cell phone cameras, and social media. Seriously, unless you have truly been living in a cave (aka only watching 'reality' TV and the shopping channels) your face has been mashed right into the muck, so to speak. You can't get out of bed without hearing and seeing the ugly boils on the proverbial butt of our existence. Our very earth, air and water are being spoiled by pollution, chemicals, fracking, etc. Institutions and their people have abused their authority and done unspeakable things - the church scandals, the institutionalized pedophilia, the militarization of our police, and all the inequitable treatment of our brothers and sisters who society treats as 'other'. Racism, sexism, ageism, demonizing the poor, brutalizing anyone who isn't recognized as a fully equal with those 'in charge' is happening all around us and try as we might to bury our head in the sand or distract ourselves with bills, work, parenting, or 'being spiritual', this is the reality of our world.
Does this piss you off? I mean, you're a good person after all. It's not your fault the world is messed up. You didn't do it. And really you've worked hard too, and your life isn't a bed of roses and cupcakes either. Right? Can't people just get along and stop moaning about it all. After all, they don't know you, they don't know your life.
I had these same thoughts when I was in my college program. But, the thing is that I wanted to be hit full in the face with knowledge, so I chose the most challenging classes to take. I had one (long awaited) shot at college and I wanted to absorb as much as possible. Honestly, in retrospect, when I chose women's studies as a major I thought I knew a lot about feminism and felt I could approach the material from a dispassionate academic point of view and earn high marks. I didn't expect to be angered, challenged, and broken down. I didn't expect to have to examine my own preconceptions - I didn't even know I had any. I didn't realize how programmed I was by social convention, and how blinded I was to the truth of the actual daily experience being lived not just by strangers, but by people I loved. I had to admit a profound ignorance and be willing to face that shame. In short, I didn't expect to have my entire world-view dismantled and I didn't expect to be so profoundly heart-broken and shaken to the core. It didn't happen over night. The learning took years, and it is ongoing still, but I don't regret it for a single moment.
In the film "Cracking the Codes," Peggy McIntosh said, "(for) well-meaning people who have never thought about privileged systems ... teaching is very necessary to get them past blame, shame, guilt. They were born into circumstances they didn't invent. They were born into systems they didn't invent. The American myth of meritocracy is... that the unit of society is the Individual and whatever you end up with must be what you wanted and worked for and earned individually. (You've) been taught that. It's not true. Huge systems that one is born into will bear on what one can do with one's life, and how one will see. That's the part that has been missing from education. So these white women breaking up over their first experience of hearing about racism, they are basket cases partly because of their bad, bad education, and their inability to see systemically and it's not their fault."
It's not your fault, unless you are actively perpetuating mistreatment of others. But, once our eyes are open, it is our responsibility, yours and mine, to change the systems of inequity. Honestly I wonder if this is why we don't want to see, don't want to know. I think it's why we get so angry. Once we know, we can't go back to ignorantly believing that everything is OK in our world, even if everything is OK in our own sphere.
People, we are at a fork in the road. You can veer in one direction and keep your I'm A Good Person mask on firmly and tightly, and that is your right and for all I know, that may be your path. Or, you can opt to take the mask off. Yes this is a Matrix moment. You have full control. You get to choose. The one thing The Matrix got wrong ... removing the veil isn't as easy as swallowing a pill. You don't slide the mask off, you Rip it off. It will be painful. You will probably bleed, and you will most certainly cry, and it will make you profoundly and bone-crushingly tired. But, you cannot get your wings unless you are willing to tear your way out of the cocoon. And, while you are trying to decide, our planet, and our people ... all that you love ... is crying for you to wake up. Ascension and enlightenment in my world is not about OM'ing your way to bliss - it is about taking the hand of the one next to you, truly seeing them, truly loving and honoring them and yourself, and rising together. We ARE one, there is no Other, and if you've been looking to find your divine service - here you go.
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