Fashion, Weight Loss and The Planet

I have been on quite a journey, and in fact I am still on it.  

When I changed my diet in the fall of 2017, I had hopes that I could make some significant changes to my life, but honestly I didn't expect much. Maybe I could lose a little and get my back to hurt less and maybe I could climb stairs without having to haul myself up by pulling on the handrail. What I've gotten so far has been so much more than that. Pain in my body is gone as the inflammation has fallen. My physician is usually pretty thrilled to see me, and frankly surprised I've kept off a more than 100lb weight loss. While I'd like to lose another 40 pounds, she seems perfectly astonished with where I'm at. People ask me, "Ummm how much more do you want to lose?" I never thought I hear that question in my lifetime!

Now I've got a problem that lots of folks would like to have - my closets are nearly empty after three donation cycles of too-big garments. The last pile of boxes topped 4 1/2 feet tall! I had no idea I even owned that many clothes, but when one keeps multiple sizes in the closet "just in case" then clothing overwhelm happens. Now the closets are almost bare. 

But, I am facing a dilemma. Contrary to how I've presented myself for most of my life, I like clothes, and I enjoy fashion (though I've never much cared to be a follower). I was feigning disinterest when I'd go shopping with friends and I'd ignore most of what I saw because, frankly, the only thing that would fit me from most stores was socks! My foot is wide, so even those were off limits most of the time, and handbags don't really do it for me. So, I seemed to not care at all.  But I did.

Recently I purchased a few things that I love and they fit, today. They probably won't fit in three months. Since I work at a college and not a nudist colony, I need garments and I want them to look nice.  BUT... I'm very aware of the devastation of fast fashion. It is bad on so many levels - for a crash course check out this article on the Economist  

https://www.wri.org/blog/2019/01/numbers-economic-social-and-environmental-impacts-fast-fashion or watch the film, The True Cost https://truecostmovie.com/   You may be shocked.

Reduce, reuse, recycle - I've heard it a million times. I believe in it, but have I practiced it? Yes, to an extent. I recycle religiously, and I've donated my clothes to women's shelters and thrift stores. Recently I've begun to use ThredUp to sell my new and nearly new garments to people who will wear them, rather than have them end up in a landfill (and yes that happens even when you donate - see Economist article above). It doesn't feel like enough, so...

To put my my money where my mouth and heart are, this is my pledge - except for undergarments: 

I will buy NO Newly Manufactured Garments for the next year

So how will I clothe myself?  

• I will have my current garments altered whenever possible;
• I will buy from thrift stores;
• I will purchase from re-sellers;
• I will participate in clothing swaps/exchange events;
• I will make do with what I have.

In fairness, when I was at my heaviest I could not find clothes in thrift stores very often - it was one of the reasons I donated so many of my too-large garments because I couldn't be the only one looking without results. I also donated lots to women's shelters because - again - they didn't get donations in my size very often.  But now that I CAN do this, I WILL do this.  I'm still not tiny so it's a hunt, but possible. And, frankly seeing that mountain of garments that I got rid of kind of sickened me because I know some of it will end up in a landfill, maybe even a lot of it. I know that I don't have the time or the skill to use the fabric to quilt or re-make into something else like my ancestors, no doubt, did. So I feel called to do what seems like the next best thing which is to re-use what already exists so I step a little more gently on the planet.

Stay tuned to see how I fare. I'll share what works, what doesn't, where I win and where it feels like a disaster.

PS if you want to join me, here's $10 to try ThredUp  http://www.thredup.com/r/HA5EAC

Perfectly Imperfect

Let me start by saying that I know this blog may bring out support, or the trolls, and it's all good. I haven't posted in a while because I haven't really felt called to say anything. But today, when I looked in the mirror and saw a happy (makeup free) face, I was inspired.

I've lost 75 pounds in the last year, and people are beginning to notice. That's nice, most of the time and I'm happy enough about it to post photos of myself, sometimes. People have asked about how I did it, and I'm happy to share. People have noticed my body changing and that's ... interesting.  One benign comment has been niggling at me though - someone asked why I wore clothes that cover me up when it is so hot in the summer. "Why don't you wear sundresses? Why don't you wear sleeveless tops?" You know, I don't even do that when I'm Inside My House. But, yes, it gets to 100 degrees here so it's a fair question.

Here's the dealio - I lost a lot, a LOT of weight when I was 17 years old. It was drastic due to bariatric surgery. How drastic? I lost 40 lbs the first month.  😮 In 9 months I lost over 100 pounds. 😟 That's hard on a body, even a young body.  There were consequences, and there are consequences to this latest loss, even though it has been a slow and steady one.

My body is a testament to the life I've experienced. It shows stretch marks, it sports scars, moles, wrinkles. You know what? So does everyone else's body (except in cases where interventions have occurred, and no judgment there). Even still, I experience some discomfort with the condition of this vehicle I live in.

There's something I know, with 100% certainty about my body - if I show it to some people, they will be disgusted. How do I know? Because people have told me, repeatedly, throughout my life. When I was a kid I was teased and bullied. Fortunately I came up with quite a few good tactics to deflect, avoid, and deal with it, but it still happened. You know what else? I've had it happen as an adult. I've had people who adore and love me say things like, "but you have such a pretty face" or "you COULD be beautiful if...", or say in a sideways manner that they are better looking than I am. Out on fitness walks I've had trucks or cars (usually full of young men) pull over and shout things at me like "Whale", "Fatass", "Fu*kin Fat Bitch" etc. This didn't just embarrass me, it scared me for my life so if you're reading this and tempted to ever do this to someone, just don't. OK?  Sit with your disgust and consider it because I have ... not your disgust, but mine.  My disgust has kept me from wearing shorts when it was sweltering outside. My disgust has kept me out of swimming pools and off the beach. My disgust has kept me from taking a dance class, or yoga class, or belly dance class, traveling,  or myriad other things that seem fun. My disgust has kept me trying to find ways to be invisible.

Here's something sad - my body has done amazing things for me and I've not been very nice to it. I have said awful things about it, and sausage-cased it into body shapers and exercised it to the point of injury. Not kind, really. I'm better now, and my plan is gentle, but again some damage remains.

And then there are my arms. You've heard the term "bingo wings" ... well I've had them since I was eighteen years old. Imagine - never feeling OK when you're young to wear something sleeveless. Even when I was approaching 'thin', I would not have dared. Even when I lived in a town where 110+ degree summer days were not uncommon. Wow, what a lot of fun and life (not to mention comfort) I've denied myself.  I'm really working to get over that. So if you love me, be patient with me, it may take some time to unravel all of this. I know I'm more than my skin, and I know my worth is more than any beauty standard, I really do. But, I'm not sure those feelings are widely held in our culture. You will have to pardon me if it takes time to trust. And if we're strangers, maybe remember my story the next time you see a body that shows signs of some significant life events.

So here, ladies and gentlemen, is some proof. Here are the arms that have deflated, the arms that have held lovers and babies and pets. My arms that house skills and muscle and blood and bone and scars and life. And some of you will cringe, but that's OK. Learning to love Real is good for us.